Review: The Lady of the Mists by Ed Greenwood

 The Lady of the Mists is the fifth Spin the Yarn short story from the 2005 event, published in August 2006. I have previously reviewed the first four.

As before, Ed Greenwood has taken random, absurd, and outrageous suggestions from a crowd and has written a short story set in the Forgotten Realms. You can read this one here.

The story begins with a misty night in Dockward in Waterdeep, quite the scene is set. It reminded me of "The Cloud of Hate" by Fritz Leiber. Marduck Jaesur resigns himself to a damp night indoors, until he meets a ghost. We get some out of pocket lines early, such as this from a broadsheet: "Wild Magic at Seven Sisters Surprise Party Leaves Wizard Elminster Pregnant With Twins on His Birthday/Khelben To Be Midwife/Halaster Blackcloak the Father!" These are the work of Marduck, a journalist writing for the papers.

This is a rollicking tale, perfect for Greenwood, as heretofore seen. We have a game of truths, we learn of a Harpell family member, a cursed ring of sorts. It's is light-hearted, and while a sense of the macabre is present, it mostly leans into the surprisingly nice that Greenwood is good at. It works as a heartfelt piece and is a bit erotic, unsurprisingly.

"Prestidigitation," she purred, "is a spell with many uses."

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Review: The Night Tymora Sneezed by Ed Greenwood

"The Night Tymora Sneezed" is the fourth Spin a Yarn written by the creator of the Forgotten Realms. While the last was longer than the previous, this one is even longer and divided into six parts. This page links to each one. As always, this is bizarre story collated by suggestions from the audience at a panel of Gen Con, this time in 2004. It was published in July 2005.

The story begins with a chatelaine schooling a young noble student of eight winters. They are in Castle Waterdeep, home of Piergeiron, the current Open Lord of the city. The stripling is obstinate, and the chatelaine patient. Two workers witness the chagrin of the governess. These two are workers going over ledgers of magical items. The elder is Oruld and the younger Reld. This is a fun listing of things you could bring into your own game and includes a cheeky game book reference to LNG. 

The next setup involves two veteran guards going over the guest list for a gnome-halfling wedding. They banter about the new officers put over them and the slaughtering they may have to inflict on the roguish outlanders that are coming to the wedding. The event is at the tavern called the Bloody Fist. It is located at the meeting of Snail and Presper Streets in Dock Ward, and is the designated place to enter into wedlock for Talaressa Wondergleam of the Dock Ward and Lucklai Minstrelwish of Secomber. Belgrim "the Bold" Huldersord is the proprietor, once a sellsword but now the stubborn eyepatch wearing owner (though blind in neither eye) that would rather have constant repairs down than replacing the building. It is also known for its serious drinking, dancing girls, and gnomish brothel down stairs. Flesh-eating fairies wait the tables. 

Something is awry and Belgrim needs to call in a favor from Mirt the Moneylender. It becomes more intriuging and absurd when the Barrera Alhound, Just Blade of Tempus, comes in with a magical sword and gigantic codpiece (though Barrera is a woman) to prevent penguins from stealing Talaressa's chastity belt.

This is essentially the setup of part one. I think I appreciate it more than the first three. While completely absurd it feels like a good controlled hodgepodge rather than complete madness. It also has new and interesting characters rather than the same old ones that I like but have read about a hundred times. Part two introduces our sneezing goddess, Tymora, Elminster, Volo, and much, much more. 

While very fun, it is longer than a short story. It may be a novella, I'm not sure on the word count. Either way, it gets even wilder and it has a satisfying conclusion that involves the bending of norms and actual genders. Ha! Greenwood juggles well many fantastic things but sometimes you wonder if he needs to get so flamboyant. If you can enjoy the longer ride, it is rather Exceptional. 

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Review: Only A Woman Can Take This Sort of Abuse by Ed Greenwood

 It has been a minute since reviewing a Spin a Yarn tale by Ed Greenwood. Like the previous two, this was a tale written by Ed Greenwood after attendees at Gen Con gave outlandish suggestions.

This one is divided into two parts and is quite long. They were released in December 2003 and January 2004, respectively. Read parts 1 and 2. 

the picture on the original article

This one starts really comical, as Manshoon, Lord of the Zhentarim, wakes up not remembering exactly what happened. He knows he was lured by the Seven Sisters and he awakes dressed as a “saucy tavern wench”. When leaving the bedroom he finds Volo dresses in a corset and proceeds to try to murder the traveling writer and wizard. 

The Seven Sisters mean to trap someone and disguise it as a revel. Volo is present because he is writing his guide to Catering. We learn this is at a cabin on the Dragon Coast. 

Aravil Kettlesworth is the cook in a less than efficient and clean kitchen. He is a dwarf and all the others are followers of Loviater, goddess of pain. Their leader seems to be a priestess named Roreldra who is literally whipping frosting onto a cake. Or welol, she is the spiritual leader; Kettlesworth Fine Feasts is of course led by the dwarf.

There is a short conversation on how to cook tarrasque so it is safe to eat. Around this comes an aged paladin of Tyr with a sapient sword capable of loving some on its own, one eager to protect supposed innocents.

The story introduces Elminster in part 2, and we get a proper explanation (or showing) of how Manshoon and Volo get where they are at the start. It’s very fun, maybe a tad long. I’d say it’s a Good one and of course free to enjoy.

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Review: Ladies Night at the Yawning Portal by Ed Greenwood

This is the Spin a Yarn 2002. Like the first one, Never a Warpig Born, this was written by Ed greenwood after suggestions were thrown around to include in a story at a panel at Gen Con. You can read the archived story here. 

We are introduced to a night of revelry at the Yawning Portal in Waterdeep, where only woman are allowed, and they all come dressed in costume as to disguise their identities. This is likely sometime before 1314 DR, as Piergeiron is not described as Open Lord, but is definitely before 1374 DR as the Blackstaff is still alive. Throughout the story our character's are generally described along the lines as women dressed as Halaster Blackcloak, Piergeiron, or an animated skeleton; keeping their identities secret

There are magical rings, a flesh golem, a Red Wizard, illithids, some members of the Knights of Myth Drannor, and fun times to be had. While the story surely is silly, that's the point, it is not quite as absurd as the first Spin a Yarn, and neither was it as enjoyable or cohesive. It was a little too confusing, and while unsurprisingly entertaining it suffered from so much happening. Ladies Night at the Yawning Portal is Acceptable, and a fond foray of a Realms tale, just one slightly bogged down by so much ridiculous things happening in a such a short span.

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Review: Never a Warpig Born by Ed Greenwood

 Never a Warpig Born is the first Spin a Yarn tale. In 2001 Ed Greenwood started this series, writing one every year for the next decade or so. The tale was woven together from pieces requested by attendees of Gen Con. This results in some odd tales, but Ed Greenwood is the perfect storyteller for such things. It can be found here free for your reading pleasure.

Greenwood at Gen Con 2001

Never a Warpig Born takes place in Ordulin the capital of Sembia where the Red Wizards of Thay are trying to establish an enclave. We go to Hallowmere House, where the lady Haugratha of the place hosts the Red Wizards. This story is a little absurd, as The Simbul (Witch-Queen of Aglarond), Durnan (proprietor of the Yawning Portal), Alustriel Silverhand (High Lady of the League of the Silver Marches), Elminster (Sage of Shadowdale), Mirt (the Moneylender), and the Srinshee (of Myth Drannor fame) all appear.

No date is giving but I would guess somewhere between 1368 DR and 1374 DR, though this is of course conjecture.

We are quickly introduced to an unlikely pair of half-orc and talking boar, named Orokh and Warpig respectively. We also meet Dalance Shareth, a name I have not heard before, supposedly the leader of the Sembian Church of Mystra.

This was a great, lighthearted read, fun like the scene in Innarlith from Lord of the Darkways, but for the entire story. This is an Exceptional tale.

"Whatever you do, do it with love."

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You can track my current progress here.